"What your doctor told you was the truth."
Those are the words that turned the tide, I'm sure of it.
My father had been in ICU for two weeks, very seldom awake or alert. And when he was awake, he wasn't always lucid, suffering from hospital-induced delirium. That said, he would impress us periodically with his razor-sharp memory.
We had been through many intense moments at the hospital. And on this particular day, we were facing another sort of crisis.
The day before, my father had been approved for a pace maker and today was the day he was supposed to get it. This came as a HUGE relief to my family because until that point, doctors weren't even sure if Dad would qualify for this life-saving procedure.
They made the call on Thursday and decided it was imperative that it be installed Friday morning. Delaying until Monday would be detrimental.
But from the moment he woke up, my father refused the treatment.
Due to his delirium, he had no idea how sick he was or how long he had been in hospital.
Thanks to his periodic razor sharp memory, he remembered what his cardiologist said a few years back: "You don't need a pacemaker..."
And since he was critically ill, he forgot the very last part of that statement: "You don't need a pacemaker...YET". And so, he was adamant that he would abide by his family doctor's orders. The doctor he knew and trusted.
Of course that makes no sense to you and I, but that's what delirium does to a person.
We all tried desperately to change his mind - doctors, nurses, family members. But he just couldn't follow the logic of what we were saying.
Until, at the very last moment, his ICU doctor arrived. What happened next was a formidable lesson in communication.
Dr. Wong* introduced himself and explained he had been looking after my dad for two weeks. He listened patiently to my father's rationale. And then he said those magic words:
"What your doctor told you was the truth."
Immediately, I noticed a difference in my father - especially in his eyes. It seemed that now he was actually listening for the first time that morning. So what was it about those words? I've thought about this a million times and here's what I've concluded: Those words not only acknowledged, but also validated, my father's position. Even using the word 'truth' struck a chord with my dad because it's one of his core values. And ultimately, I believe the doctor's simple statement showed respect for my father AND his family doctor too. But that wasn't all - I was awed by the entire interaction.
Dr. Wong went on to explain that things had changed. He didn't just say it, he went so far as to show him his cardiac rhythm strips. He'd told me before walking in "Your father won't understand these, but at least he'll see we're trying to reason with him".
Not only did Dr. Wong address my father's doubts, he was intentional in how he communicated. The words he chose, his body language, his tone and pace of voice. He showed respect and compassion for my father, while also considering his fragile state.
As he concluded, we realised that time had run out. There was not a moment to spare. My dad would have to make a call right there and then.
Silence.
Our hearts were racing.
And then my father spoke.
"So what should I do Doctor?"
"I want you to get the pacemaker."
"Ok", came the reply.
And that was it. Just moments later, Dad was whisked away for a life-saving procedure. We all breathed a sigh of relief...and disbelief. It was a surreal moment - one of many. In our case, the stakes were incredibly high. While it may not be as critical when you present, surely there may be times when you address a doubtful audience. The next time that you do, I hope you remember Dr. Wong. You may be aware of the following techniques - and yes, I've mentioned them many times before! But I wanted to highlight them here because I've never seen them so beautifully at play:
Acknowledge what your audience already knows
Address the doubt or opposition
Respect your audience
Establish your credibility
Create rapport
Listen
Identify the problem
Show how you can solve the problem
Persuade by using logic...visuals help too!
Speak clearly
Choose your words carefully
Adapt your body language and your voice
Ultimately, make sure to tailor your entire communication - content and delivery - to the audience you're trying to persuade.
There are a lot of things I want to forget from our ongoing ordeal. But I will never forget that image of Dr. Wong speaking to my father that day.
And I shall remain forever grateful for the excellent care that he and all the hospital staff provided. Wishing you and yours good health and happiness.
*Dr. Wong is not his real name.
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